Looking For Critique On Latest Short Film

Cstein15Cstein15 Website User Posts: 4
About three months ago some friends of mine posted a short film "Stranger With A Gun" on here and got a very in depth and incredible critique which, was very helpful in allowing us to grow and become better filmmakers.  We have just completed a new short "Neverlanders" and would love to get some similar critique. Anything helps please give us your opinion; we are only looking to improve.

http://vimeo.com/106646664

Comments

  • Triem23Triem23 Moderator Moderator, Website User, Ambassador, Imerge Beta Tester, HitFilm Beta Tester Posts: 18,254 Ambassador
    Well, in terms of "critiques for improvement" I don't really have much to say--it's well shot, well edited, the actors are appealing, and the music fits the tone of the piece. One or two times the follow focus seems a touch slow to me, but that's REALLY having to dig deep to nitpick.
    The only two "Critiques for Improvement" would be that the audio in the scene just before Barry and Sammy cross the river is off--Barry is hard to hear. Maybe just those few lines could have been dubbed? Otherwise, the Park Security guard never quite paid off for me. Since, metaphorically, you were using the river to represent obsticles in life and the far bank as the future, I'm not certain what the Security Guard was supposed to represent--unless he was an obstacle to overcome to have your character bond? But I would have bought them bonding based on conversation alone.
    Otherwise, the storytelling is clear, and your points are made cleanly. Nicely done! Be happy with this film!
  • KirstieTKirstieT Staff Administrator, Moderator, Website User Posts: 1,056 Staff
    Going to write this as I watch as it means I won't forget anything: 
    It was a little slow to get started, but just as I started waning and losing interest at about a minute in (I have a very short attention span), you stuck in the water flashback which jolted my interest right back in again. 
    The environment you shot in was really picturesque and the scene where the boy hollered and they ran through the woods reminded me of a Peter Pan scene. Very pretty :)
    EDIT - hey, he said "own personal Neverland" - I guess the Peter Pan indication came across to me loud and clear!
    One thing that struck me as a little odd was the difference in the way the main female protagonist spoke in her scenes, and the narrator's voice. e.g. the "he was a peculiar young man" doesn't sound like something she'd say. I'm expecting to find out this is an elderly woman looking back on an experience, and narrating it, which would explain the difference in language and tone. 
    LOVE the music :)
    Again with the narration - at the point where she's telling him some personal stuff, the narration comes over with "YOU didn't say a word" whereas before it was "HE was a peculiar young man". At this point it's left me wondering who she's supposed to be addressing. Before it sounded like she was talking to a third party but now it seems kind of like a love letter narration. 
    EDIT: And now back to "I wondered if I'd ever see that strange boy again". Just seems a little confusing to me that it alters focus. 
    I like the whole metaphor of the piece and think it was beautifully shot. The pan down to the Peter Pan book at the end was great :)
    Congratulations! I critiqued your last short and can see multiple ways in which you've improved your technique :) Keep going like this and you'll be producing some epic work!
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