I am working on a 3d animated shortfilm and need feedback on the Animatic.

maximgehrickemaximgehricke Website User Posts: 3

For the past few months I have been concepting a 3d animated shortfilm. Now I am nearly finished and want to go into production, but before I would like to get some experienced eyes looking on the stuff for critique.

I have uploaded an animatic (2:45 min) and some concepts here: https://www.therookies.co/projects/16935

I am looking for honest feedback and critique here, not approvement, so please DONT be gentle :) Thanks for reading and in advance to any feedback given!

Comments

  • tddavistddavis Moderator, Website User Posts: 4,181 Moderator
    edited July 17

     @maximgehricke Interesting, until I saw the future self robot warning him away, (It was pretty much a giveaway what was coming at that point.) I thought the reveal at the end was going to be that the planet was Earth and the Moon had exploded and created the asteroid ring. :)  My 9 yo autistic granddaughter came through and said that's a cute robot, so you definitely covered that base :) The score fit in nicely with the tone. Kudos on the work so far.

  • Stargazer54Stargazer54 Moderator Moderator, Website User, Ambassador, HitFilm Beta Tester Posts: 2,722 Ambassador

     @maximgehricke Interesting concept!  Love the camera moves craning up and  following the hero robot.  Pretty polished for an animatic.

    I am with @tddavis, though.  The warning robot is a give away.   And I never got a sense of what the attraction to the icicles or stalactites is rooted in.  What is the motivation there?  Also the first explosion makes sense to prompt the robot to investigate and it makes sense when he comes upon what looks like wreckage.   But the second one, as the transformed bot travels left, is behind the character.  Why would there be another flash or crash since the portal was still in the scene when the transformed bot exited?  Perhaps have the wreckage fade out.  Then cut to the transformed bot moving left with the flash behind him to signal events repeating?

  • maximgehrickemaximgehricke Website User Posts: 3

    Hey @tddavis and @Stargazer54 thank you very much for the feedback! I see the problem with the warning robot giving away the loop, I have thought so too. Surprisingly many people were still surprised by the loop, but it would definitely be better, if its harder to crack. Do you have an Idea how to make the loop less obvious?

    The problem with the explosion is probably caused by my lazyness in previz, not adding in the new wreckage concept in all scenes. :D
    The wreckage is there behind the portal the whole time, slowly burning and emitting smoke. The explosion is more like a fireball, caused by something like leaking gas or the like. I think it has to be there a second time in order to not break the loop, also it foreshadows it a bit. Or did I misunderstand your point @Stargazer54?

    Also the unclearness of the Motivation concerning the icicles is a point matching other feedbacks I got. I am thinking of cutting out the whole first part up to S1_07, instead starting the shot with the icicles and let the robot drive into frame. It still wouldnt really explain the motivation, but at least it might cut some unnessecary shots.

    Or would you recommend to cut the icicle part out completely? maybe instead let the robot be attracted to a smoke pillar coming from the wreckage? I am unsure :o

     

  • tddavistddavis Moderator, Website User Posts: 4,181 Moderator

    @maximgehricke As I was typing my comment earlier, I was trying to think of a way disguise the reveal a bit with the future-self robot and it is a toughie, for certain.  If anything pops into my head, I'll be sure to drop a post here but I got nothing so far. :)

  • Triem23Triem23 Moderator Moderator, Website User, Ambassador, Imerge Beta Tester, HitFilm Beta Tester Posts: 18,282 Ambassador

     This should be a good film, and you've picked the right point to get eyes on it. 

    Visually there has to be something to cue the audience the loop has happened, and Sen seeing itself is the ending with pathos. 

    I kinda think you need to go full on Greek Tragedy here and kill the poor robot. The explosion that attracts Sem is the one that finally gets him. No waving hands. Maybe a twitch as lights flicker.

    That's pretty dark. I understand if you don't want to go that far. 

    Maybe all the stalactite/icicle stuff should go in the middle? Instead of aging while falling, just losing the ear on impact. Then aging over the rest of the staring and xylophone things. Maybe find a second portal to finish the loop?

    What if there were a whole bunch of similar robots? Nah, different type of time loop. 

    I'll be interested to see the final design of Sen. I think it's a cute, curious kitty with an Infinity of recursive life. 

  • maximgehrickemaximgehricke Website User Posts: 3

    Hey @Triem23 @tddavis @Stargazer54 thank you very much for your feedbacks! ^^

    The Greek tragedy ending sounds interesting, plus I have by nature a tendency to let my stories heros die at the end, tho I think many people will enjoy the happy ending more. :D

    Quite a lot of feedbacks have told me, that the motivation for the icicles is unclear/hard to understand. I am now thinking of cutting out some of the start, instead starting at S1_07 (the icicle melody shot) Ofc longer and with the robot coming into the frame.
    What are your opinions on that?

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