Here's an updated version
Great choice of music! The extra large irises are creepy, too.
Very good especially for a random video. How about having the eyes looking round, then looking straight down the 'camera', narrowing with the 'I see you' text appearing. Even better with a whispering voice
@Andersen01498 It's more clear to post updates in a reply instead of updating the original post with a new video link. Because the newest comments are at the bottom, people won't always scroll up to look for a change.
I went to your YouTube channel to see the difference between old and new because the original isn't in this thread any more. Overall I think you had a good thing going with the original, but some of the changes in the new version make it less effective.
I think the whispery voice kinda works, but only the "I see you" part. The rest feels forced and unnatural, almost comical. Part of what makes it comical for me is that the speaker is talking faster during the other lines. The more slow, deliberate delivery of the original line is what helps to sell its creepiness. Talk too quickly and a good bit of that sense of unease and tension is lost, at least for me. Really get into the head of your character as you're delivering their lines.
For me the text doesn't work at all. It takes away from the creepiness of the effect. We can tell that the "character" can see us when the eyes look in our direction, and the creepy whisper saying "I see you" works to add some unease, but if we were to encounter a bizarre situation like this in real life, there wouldn't be text floating in front of things, knowwhatimean?
Why did you change the eyes to aim in opposite directions instead of the same direction? It makes them feel really bizarre and unnatural, and again kind of comical, not scary. I feel you may have misinterpreted some of the comments above from @tonyg.